The problem of hipocrisy in my little world

Thinking about coming to work today - after a wonderful weekend in the vibrantly green world of AblePonder and then two days in a miasma of being ill - reminded me of a post on AnimalBlawg.com about hypocrisy.

"Today it is impossible to avoid hypocrisy in any struggle against the status quo. The political and economic structures are constructed so that it is practically impossible to avoid being implicated in their workings." - quoted in the blog from Crimethinc’s Days of War, Nights of Love.

I feel as though I am often struggling against the status quo - the assumptions and habits of Corporate America, the habits and attitudes of consumerism, the attitudes and behavior of selfishness.

I guess what it all comes down to for me lately is that people buy into these structures without thought. I happen to be a big proponent of Ayn Rand's brand of selfishness - I think that people SHOULD take care of themselves! I think that capitalism and the service economy is great - people SHOULD be rewarded for their excellence, hard work and creativity!

It just all seems to fall apart out there (out here?) in the "real world."

At least I get the sense that I'm not alone in my (rather wimpy) rage at/against the system. Still and all, I find myself struggling with myself as I struggle against the system... You shouldn't have put that totally recyclable item in the trash - why did you stop at Sonic when you know full well you're buying a styrofoam cup and subsidizing the system that makes those cups - why, oh, why, can't you stop going into Wal-Mart just because it's cheaper? ... and the list of questions goes on.

I find it very similar to my constant (well... constant isn't the right word - more like recurring) efforts to eat healthfully and lose weight. The very real limits of time and money seem to beat me every time, and turn me into a hypocrite to boot. It's so much cheaper and easier to eat Kraft Macaroni and Cheese or stop at Sonic than it is to cook a healthy meal of grilled salmon and spinach salad. It's so much cheaper and easier to just throw the trash "away" than it is to haul it over to the recycling center.

It's as though I don't subconsciously really believe things that, consciously, I am convinced of and will bend your ear to breaking about.

High Fructose Corn Syrup? Bovine growth hormones? Poision!

NES's Green Power Switch? Public/Hybrid transportation? Important to invest in!

And yet, I just had a (definitely not grass-fed beef) burger last week... I drive my car to work every day... I stop at Sonic like I'm addicted...

This struggle with my weight and struggle with my carbon footprint are becoming eerily similar - I have good intentions, but in the end, I fail and eat a big, sugary doughnut -slash- throw away a trashcan full of recyclables.

It's a problem with consumption.

And I can't help but feeling that I, one who is gifted with (to reference NoImpactMan) a middle birth and a stellar education, am the worst kind of sinner/addict. Because I know the consequences of what I do, but I still do it.

Maybe if I can figure out how to be green, I can figure out how to be healthy, as well.